I write therefore I am

The Universe conspires!

Paulo Coelho said “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

At times I’ve believed it strongly and saw the success unfolding before my eyes. I felt empowered to do even more. While at other times, I’ve let doubts cloud my thinking giving it free reign to stop me embarking on the journey of self discovery.

Way back in 06 – 07 I was going through a difficult phase. I was lost at the crossroads battling the question “what do I really want?” It was creating havoc in my personal life. I felt pulled apart.

As my personal life seemed so messed up, I concentrated on my professional life. And I excelled! I was ambitious and “got what I wanted.” It feels strange when I think of those times. I was never cut-throat as that isn’t who I am as an individual – my sense of morality is too strong to allow me to be brutal. Yet my dreams were coming true, I was going places, people were noticing and I was heading for a rightly deserved promotion.

But then, I stalled. My sense of right and wrong, having played peekaboo for a while forced me to acknowledge that my personal life was a mess and perhaps the one thing that I was missing the most was that I had no one to share the euphoria of professional achievement.

I changed gear and put my personal life on priority. Full time investment there led to the cobwebs and feelings of animosity clearing. The wheels of the love life were swung back on track and we began a smooth ride. Was it really that smooth?

I don’t know. I lost the promotion, we relocated and I begun the journey of finding myself again. New home, new city, new colleagues – the new life carried on. Anger, hurt, sense of loss, displacement – the battle of emotions begun again.

It took a few years to settle down to a somewhat balanced life – I got a promotion, found close friends, as a couple we allowed ourselves the flexibility to overlook our shortcomings – those that did impact us but we felt were best to let go. Then came another break – we relocated again.

This time life came crashing down – I lost my job, we couldn’t find new friends, we lived everyday desperately wanting to understand what was going wrong. It was too painful to acknowledge that perhaps this was a wrong decision. Or was it? Last year I became a mother, the one relationship we were both craving for a long time just happened and we haven’t been happier.

In between, I’ve had loads of ideas of what I should be doing, what I wanted to achieve (way beyond just the work scene). I’ve been writing for the longest of time and it could lead to newer opportunities – yet I’ve done nothing about it. An author friend recently out of the blue told me “write that novel which is festering inside.” I couldn’t believe, he said that – cannot recall ever telling him that I write!

I’ve worked with entrepreneurs within the creative space for a long time and have some good workable business ideas myself but have kept them bottled up inside. I’ve worked on business plans and strategy taking a long shower – in my head – but haven’t put it down on paper. I’ve done some informal market research as well.

I began baking with a vengeance recently – told myself, it’s for my daughter who perhaps someday will find it useful when she begins school. Great, considering I haven’t yet completed her memory book which I was gifted – although I’ve been diligently keeping physical records of her first doctor’s visit, vaccination, photograph, videos etc. There was a time when I’d begun making paper bags, novelty items, cards, bookmarks using handmade paper but let go within months.

Oh and I’m not even referring to my attempts over the years to loose weight or learn to drive!

Yesterday I read an article, “Do you never begin because you fear the end?” by Vinita Dawra Nangia. This morning I read “Is your preparation the source of procrastination” by Martina G. McGowan on Linkedin and had a good laugh. Then received a request from Gisela Hausmann to review her ebook Naked Determination – I said yes.

Suddenly I could hear a distinct knock. It was as if the Universe had begun conspiring again to make me push the boundaries – not to sit idle anymore but shape the dreams into reality. It felt like someone inside was screaming, “stop stalling lady, just get up and do it!”

One comment on “The Universe conspires!

  1. THANK YOU sooo much for seeing my ebook “Naked Determination” as a sign :))

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This entry was posted on March 25, 2013 by in Reflections and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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