I write therefore I am


Help and support is what one would look forward to when in a new situation or having a novel experience. But, sometimes, help is the last thing you require. You realise you would probably have done better without help.

Why is that?

Is it our inability to accept the help at face value? Does our own way of doing something create a gap in the unconditional acceptance of help or do the nuances drive us crazy? The help offered also comes with experiences of the helper, their baggage and understanding that it worked for them, so it must work for you too.

Where does it all go wrong?

I don’t know but I wish I could keep my emotions in check. Perhaps these emotions are in hyperdrive and are creating this feeling of animosity within me – perhaps animosity is a strong word. It’s just creating a road block, one that I’m able to sometimes manage or accept while at other times overlook or defy with a vengeance. It’s all going crazy and sometimes I just want to have that out-of-body experience which makes it easier for me to deal with those moments when I’m reaching breaking-point.

Some might hear me and say its only natural to feel this way – perhaps yes or perhaps I feel boxed in and have no outlet. Being boxed in, doesn’t do anything for my ego or mental state of mind. The break point is literally situations or moments away.

So I guess the problem lies with me and my inability to openly accept help from these well meaning people, some of whom, will actually do anything for me without asking for anything in return. Otherwise, why would I feel so down and irritated like I do right now? It just doesn’t make any sense!

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This entry was posted on September 24, 2012 by in Mixed Up and tagged , , , , , , , , , .


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