There was a time when time mattered, heaps! It made me rush through the day, ticking the never-ending checklist of things to do. There was always a list that had to be completed at home and at work. But invariably the checklist would get a date change as I’d never been able to finish everything there was to do.
I thought I was the busied person while everyone else definitely had less to do than me. I stressed, fretted with delays, others not matching up to my pace and felt generally let down. The perception of time and the lack of it made all the difference.
Today, as I sit by the window, aimlessly watching two young girls playing in the swimming pool, I wonder about time. Time is all I have now and I have the luxury to fill it with anything I want. I don’t have a checklist. Surprisingly, I don’t miss it either.
I feel free. Passing time has a different connotation, today. There was a time when sitting idle meant there was something wrong. I couldn’t imagine sitting around not doing anything. There was always something that needed my urgent attention. I’d feel guilty about letting time pass without filling it with the mundane or the important things to do.
Today I can do what I have to do without the rush, the overwhelming feeling of loss with seconds slipping by. Yet the day passes without guilt. I don’t even wonder at the time gone by. Its added a new dimension to my life – I feel everything has a time and place. If it needs to happen, it will. My sweating over it and rushing will lead me nowhere.
Is this how people feel when they move out of the rat race, move on to take a breather? Is this how it feels to simply let life take the lead? There is no sense of loss, no feeling of being unimportant or useless. It is actually just a state of mind, one over which I hold the control.
It feels good!